CBT for Social Anxiety, by Brianna Sculley, LCSW

Living with social anxiety can be exhausting! You may lose touch with family and friends because you are hesitant to attend social gatherings or connect with them. Maybe you tend to replay past social interactions over and over in your head, wondering if you said or did anything wrong. You might hold back from applying for jobs because the thought of going to an interview leaves you panicked. Perhaps even picking up the phone or answering the front door is nerve-wracking.

A therapeutic approach that includes Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy tailored for social anxiety can help you find your confidence again.

Here’s how CBT for social anxiety works and how it can benefit you.

Determine Your Goals!

Before you start processing your social anxiety with CBT techniques, outline your goals. This might include addressing a low sense of self-worth or letting go of your guilt for past social faux-pas. It could also involve learning to be more assertive and confident in social situations. Other goals may include being more proactive about accepting invitations to social events, striking up conversations, or easing up on your self-judgment.

Identify Negative Thoughts!

Next, you’ll be ready to identify automatic negative thoughts that crop up when you are in a social situation. For instance, if you have to give a public speaking presentation, you might think, “If I mess up, no one will let me forget it.” Or if your friend asks you to tag along to a party, you might assume, “No one will want me there.” If you frequently dwell on negative thoughts like this, the most important first step is noticing them and potentially what situations trigger them to happen.

Change Your Thought Patterns!

How do you go about changing your thought patterns? You can start by coming up with realistic replacements. For example, instead of thinking, “No one will want me there” before attending an event, you could focus on thinking, “Maybe I’ll meet some nice people.”

Your new thought patterns don’t have to be dramatic declarations. Simply start from a place of quiet confidence. This is a step in the right direction. It can take some time to internalize these new thought patterns, but you will get there with repetition.

Gradual Exposure!

CBT for social anxiety also involves gradual exposure, known as “systematic desensitization.” This might sound intimidating, but all that is required is practicing small tasks that help you develop confidence. For instance, if you have performance anxiety, you could give a “presentation” to a close friend or family member as a behavioral rehearsal. Give yourself every opportunity to practice and see it as an opportunity to expose yourself to your fears.

The Real Thing!

Finally, you will be ready to practice in real social situations. As you approach these situations, your predictable negative thoughts may crop up. Take a moment to remember and practice the new ones that you developed. Remember, you will likely not feel super confident overnight. However, by consciously choosing new thought patterns, you can begin to engage in socializing and possibly even looking forward to meeting new people! As always, CBT therapists are available if you need additional help and never be afraid to ask!